I have been receiving comments on my previous post: Scribbling on Divorce here in friendster, in my multiply blog (a replicate of this blog) and in my personal e-mails.
While some agreed, others objected.
I want to keep this as open, objective and two-sided as possible. I
don’t take it personally against them, though some seemingly sound to
attack me personally. However I want to let the people know that I
respect their opinion, and deserve a fair share of space.
Read on…
Tin Guevarra
a friend
former Associate Editor of Sinag — CSSP, UP Diliman Official Publication
former YFC leader, San Juan MM
former guidance counsellor of PISAY - Philippine Science Highschool
Medical Student - University of Sto. Tomas (present)
Dr. Gerardo S. Fernando
an Uncle
Member, Couples for Christ Vancouver Canada,
Pediatrician
Former member of the Faculty of F.E.U. Institute of Medicine
Owner, O Thai Restaurant, Vancouver Canada
I think…Void from the very start can be ground for annulment
Falsification getting a marriage license as 20 or 21 when actually
they are 15/16 ;
One is of different religion Buddhist or one is Catholic can be
annulled but not a ground for Divorce
Forced to sign documents…
Getting married outrside of the church example in the beach, which is
officiated by the Priest… why because they are not allowed to officiate the
marriage outside of the church.. ( I Think). In the above even if there is no
conflict, Annulment can proceed.. why? because they are void from the start.
If the partners are physically/emotiona lly/spiritually at war they need
counselling not divorce. One need to be humble and be sorry forthe hurt one has
done, and the other to accept and give the forgiveness. Pride is
the cause of the conflict which should not be tolerated by Divorce.
The Divorce law is for lawyers to earn more. Sorry Naomi.
…
We should consider all aspects before even considering it( Divorce)
as the solution … Pinag iisipan, pinagaaralan, ano ang magiging effecto nito
sa atin, ating familya kaibigan at iba pang tao., hindi lamang ang ating
sarili. Kung ang problema hindi magkasundo.. baka may iba pang paraan para
magkaintindihah. I gave your parents as example, at times couples
have mis understanding, minsan fights, minsan deep tampuhan and
duringthat time that there is conflict the only solution one considers would
be a divorce kasi physically, emotionally, financially ay
naafectohan. It is not enough to say mas importante ang telephone
bils at etc.. This will affect the future generations our future families. so
one must really have a stand. The right Stand.
God Bless.
…
This is very interesting communications among all of us. We ahve learned a lot.
We express what is inside us. And at the end we all thank the Lord for
our family. That is why we ask the Lord to bless our marriage , our family.
As for the case of Amy and Brix, their relationship need further
scrutiny/evaluation …. It looks galit
talaga sila sa isa’t isa. parang walang forgiveness at walang humility to
accept one’s mistake and ask for forgiveness. . At the start , they both
love each other at the end what is left is one’s anger and pride. What do
they need, spiritual advice, counselling , renewal and total acceptance
of mistakes and forgiveness. We attended a family retreat.
One speaker was asked how many times will he forgive his wife if she committed
adultery. He answered a 100 times. one of the couples we knew had the same
problem. But the girl fall in love with a lesbian. The husband became
physically abusive. What should he do. He asked us. i told him what the
speakers have said. I will keep my family intact. I will forgive her. The
children knew of what had happened. They only asked one thing to their parents.
they forgive them of what had happened to them. The request, please do
not file for divorce you can live on separate beds under one roof but
please do not file for divorce. The husband prayed hard. He asked forgiveness
for the hurts/insult and the pain of being an abusive husband and forgive
her wife of what she did. I do not know what the wife did… but now they
are living a testimony of forgiveness and humility and very happy as a family.
God bless.
Let us stand for what is right or righteous all the time.Sometimes we
will be ridiculed for what we stand for. or we amy not be popular. Thank you
and God Bless every one.
Love, T. Joji
Allan Fernando
a Good-looking cousin
A Father of 3
Professional, San Francisco, California
Note: In reaction to my answers to the questions in my previous post.
Just a layman’s view. Peace…
How do you
differentiate divorce from annulment?
I think the catholic church doesn’t allow re-marriage after a divorce
as opposed to annulment (as long as approved by the church herself).
Are you in favor on the
legalization of divorce?
I don’t think convenience should be a reason for preferring divorce
over annulment. As I understand them, the process are both tedious,
highly emotional and often times traumatic (I don’t mind being labelled
psychologically incapacitated as long as makalaya ako sa impyernong buhay
kasama ng bruha kong asawa.) They both will also cost you a fortune.
By the way, I’m "okay" with divorce (as I’m okay with
annulment, too).
What are the grounds
for divorce proposed by Rep. Liza Maza?
This is where my problem is. I’ve known a few people here that
went through divorces and ended up paying alimony to their wives. The
collapse of their marriages weren’t 100% the husbands’ fault but being
more successful in their carreers than their partners, they ended up writing
checks every month for the alimony to their former wives (aside from child
support for their kids who often times end up with the moms).
What is your stand
on the divorce bill?
Answered already in the 2nd question. (I’m more worried about my
telephone and electric bills).
Isn’t this against your
Catholic teaching?
This would be a very delicate subject. There will always be
conflicts between state laws and church doctrines. It’s like science and
religion, if you believe in God, you will find it hard to accept Charles
Darwin’s theory of evolution or the "Big Bang Theory" of the solar
system. I would only see divorce as some solution to legal matters.
As for my faith, I’ll still pray and attend masses. I’ll probably just cross my
arms by my chest and bow my head for the priest’s blessing (’coz if I’m not
mistaken, they won’t let me receive the host). It’s hard to belong to a
group and not believe in their beliefs and ideas. I’d rather get out of
the circle.
Doesn’t the divorce
bill violate the constitution in which it declares that “the state has the
obligation to protect the family as an inviolable social institution?”
Masyado kasing nagmamadali sa pag-aasawa, eh. Sabi nga ng mga
matatanda, "ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang mainit na kaning isusubo, na
iluluwa mo pag napaso".
Sana
magkaroon na lang ng preventive law rather than cure.
If ratified, wouldn’t
this be alarming that there might be a sudden mad rush to have courts to have
marriages terminated and people will file for divorce in the simplest pretext
(In US, i.e. snoring, not tightening the cap of the toothpaste, and a spouse
spending hours on the telephone).
I don’t believe
there will be a mad rush in divorce applications. We, filipinos, are too
proud to let others know our failures (to raise a family or maintain a solid
marriage, etc.). Aside from the fact that this will cost a lot
(magkano na ba kilo ng manok sa Pilipinas? Sine yata eh P100.00 na sa
orchestra.)
….
I know they’ve (and us, too) been through a lot but, to quote myself on my
earlier statement… .."Ang
hirap kasing magbigay ng diretsong opinion coming from a well intact and so
very loving family, eh. Pero, to contradict my earlier statement, I think
covenience wise (not in the procedural sense but more on the ending of
emotional, physical and mental sufferings of the "bitter" halves)
siguro we should have divorce in the Phil. Magkakatalo lang siguro sa mga
requirements, kasi I don’t think we can 100% pattern it with the westerners
because of our traits and cultural peculiarity. Generally, masyado kasing close
knit ang pamilya ng mga Yonip"…
Our family (clan) is
bound by too much love and forgiveness; and mantled by Nanay’s prayers,
humility and love, so with that in mind, it’s kinda (naks, masyadong slang, ‘di
na lang sabihing "kind of") hard for me to really give a strait
forward opinion and make a solid stand on this issue. So it’s really
50/50 for me (Naomi, this also qualifies as an opinion from a very confused
individual, ha).
We probably should
consider it as a very last resort for legal marriages, which cannot be saved
anymore by in any ways, including numerous counsellings, to dissolve.
But, as I also stated earlier, stict requirements must be set and all petty
reasons be disqualified (like paghihilik, bad breath, b.o., pag-inom,
etc.) Or better yet, only batteries (physical and mental, lalo na to the
point na halos patayin na ang pamilya sa gulpi) of spouses and/or children
should be the only ground for divorce ( as I know this is the main reason for
the introduction of this bill).
Kaya nga sabi ko
sana
mag-introduce na
lang sila ng preventive bill kaysa cure. Nowadays kasi in the
Philippines
masyado nang liberated and mga kabataan and the proliferation of cheap and
quickie motels like SOGO which, I believe, often times admit minors. This
will surely lead to so many thing including unwanted pregnancies and forced
(moral, physical and mental) marriages. Dito na magreresulta ang mga
failed marriages, Then again, this will be a separate topic. Hay naku,
sabi na nga ba masyadong complicated ang issue na ito. Masyadong
sanga-sanga. Baka nga kahulihan n’yan isisi lahat ang mga problema natin
sa poverty (as what I used to learn in my Sociology back then), or sa labandera
d’yan (hindi nga ba? shhh).
Well anyways, I’m happy
medyo naalis ang utak ko sa mga problema at masyado akong nag-eenjoy mag-isip
ng ibang bagay na wala namang relasyon sa aking buhay.
Laging nagmamahal,
kapamilya at kapuso ninyo (kasangbahay na rin - UNTV channel 37)
Sharon Lovendino
a Good-looking cousin
A Loving Mother of 3
Nurse Graduate, Fatima University
Hi everyone,
I
am reading your blog about divorce and annulment… .I also read
tintin’s comment. and i agree with her but at first i really don’t want
to comment about it. since pag dating sa law everything is different…
.pero nabasa ko din some emails not all ni tito joji…
considering
my marriage is not really good but i am not thinking about annulment
and divorce… NO!NO! god bind us and it is only GOD with seperate
us…i am noot really considering divorce because marriage is not only
for husbands and wives, the reason why people get married is because
they want to have family which consist of mom and dad, children and
family of both parents(the typical filipino family always extended as
in super extended)… kaya if one consider divorce maraming buts and
cons and matters na have to consider especially the feeling of the
kids…. tignan mo sa streets maraming bata ang napariwara dahil wala
ng magulang or nanay lang ang kasama at nagtratrabaho pa…in short
walang gumagabay sa kanila kaya nag kaganun sila…if we legallize
divorce marami ng hindi mag hohold on sa marriage bows na sinumpaan sa
house ni god kasama at na witness ng buong family at friends
mo….medyo barok ako mag explain but i hope you get the msg… pag
legal na yun iisipin ng isa ay di kami mag kasundo kasi ang asawa ko
ganito ganito kaya dapat mag divorce na lang kami…pero if walang
divorce ganto ang sasabihin mo…." GOD, please help us to be strong,
enlightened both my mind and my partner, let our kids understand our
trials and help us to explain to them that we will make it through
cause were FAMILY…" at mag uusap kayong mag asawa at mag tratry
kayong ayusin yun….basta ganun…. i don’t like divorce!!!!
Jaz
friend
Student, Carleton University
Highschool, International School of Brussels, Germany
(FYI,
her former schoolmates: grandson of the founder of Toyota Motors in
biology class, played field hockey with Nicholas Burn’s daughter [the
current under-secretary of state for political affairs in the US],
grandson of Enrique Bolaños [the president of Nicaragua]
Michelle
former classmate, friend
Mother of 2 beautiful kids
BA Behavioral Science Graduate, UP Manila
I
agree with the divorce. I’m happy with my marriage by the way, but I
have friends who are tied with marriage that is already failing yet
they don’t want to seek annulment because it just seems unfair not to
acknowledge a marriage that produces their wonderful children.
and their Seasons of Love was fantastic! 
), Virgil Ligutan (super tangkad at gwapo mo and you were like actually jumping as you glide when you reach for your high notes 
), and my twin Cecille Tuason (you were a bomb! super feel na feel and you had the best smile 
).
.
I
thought this was a very interesting read though, my knowledge about law
is very limited. I was just wondering if this bill has been passed by
the Senate, or not?
Also, with regards
to the question about the financial effects of annulment and legal
seperation being different to that of divorce, isn’t divorce as costly?
I mean, here in the West, it’s so expensive for couples to get a
divorce and some ex-wives who are gold diggers make a livin out of it
(i.e. Heather Mills, Paul McCartney’s ex).
And
if this is the case, it means that the bill will only be available to
the upper-class couples in the Philippines, which is like 10 to 20% of
the population? So is it really worth having at all? Doesn’t it
perpetuate further inequality? (Correct me if Im wrong pls)
Anywhoo,
the topic of divorce in the Philippines can be a positive sign because
it shows that the government and politics are "divorcing" because
politics and religion don’t mix, especially when your citizens don’t
all share the same religion.