I am missing people not in the house anymore.
It
is 430 am in the morning, I cannot sleep due to some emotional baggages
and academic worries. I woke up at 4am thinking if I have to blog
about this, just so to let my feelings out… probably I could sleep
thereafter.
My
brother, who is bigger than anybody in my clan, had his first (after
many years) sleepover at his friend’s house. Yes, he is a homeboy. I
texted him, “Nickrum nasan ka” but he didn’t reply. Probably he is
over with the “ate getting worried and I must reply or else.”
Then
the maids went to divisoria at early morning to run errands for my mom,
they arrived very late last night. Mang’ Danny the driver is absent
(not sure if reason for leave is alibi again).
My
eldest sister Nina on the other hand is staying at her husband’s flat.
She dropped by the night before to get some of her stuff.
My sister Bads is in NY, where she has been for many years now.
So, I felt the silence. Deafening silence the entire day.
So
this is how it feels to be alone not having anyone to talk to, to laugh
with, to watch TV with, to eat with on the dining table. Not to
mention to argue with, to quarrel with, to fight with, to shout at…
hehe
Truly,
being a middle child - living with 2 older sisters and a younger
brother (who are all involved/married) is chaotic. Imagine how chaotic
it could be more when my mom and dad are here. The house is such a
mess. Too much noise and disturbance to my studies and to my privacy.
I know most of you could relate for you have families yourselves. Mine
is a typical one, I think. Not a broken family - -who quarrel but
still love each other, who almost kill each other sometimes but only
get to the attempted stage of murder/homicide, who argue with one
another and hurting each other’s feelings in the process, but end up
talking a few hours later as if nothing happened.
I
have been complaining for the past days about a lot of things. Mostly
about school. I am worried about my grades. I am worried about a
professor. I am worried about my career. I am worried about my income
(as if pamilyado na, charing).
But I have nothing to complain about in my family.
Though mine is not perfect. Mine is something I am proud of and always be thankful to God for.
Family
is so many things - more than money, more than good grades, it is
something I could come home to everyday, even at my worst, even at
times I am hard to love.
Sometimes,
I am guilty taking it for granted… maybe because my family has always
been there for me, and stood by me in my best and worst of times.
Now
that yesterday is over, and my brother is coming back today. My
sister, well, they will come back sooner or later. I just realized, a
day without them, is something I am not used to. And I started
thinking about the coming years when each one of us will get married,
well I mean them (If ever I’ll be a spinster) - that it would never be
the same for we will have our own families to raise and different lives
to live by then.
How time flies. So this is how it feels. But life goes on. Atleast, memories will never fade.
